"My Experience With My Friend's Cancer Journey (Part 3 of 3)"

I went to see my friend the following day. I arrived late morning, Sunday. My friend was in Isolation and on Oxygen. I needed to put on a gown and gloves. During that day, I watched as my friend was poked and prodded, they were trying to find a vein to give anti-biotics. Two nurses each tried twice with no luck. A third nurse then got the vein on their second attempt but it wasn’t really successful as the fluid was leaking. At this stage, my friend expressed their stress. Over the years that I have known my friend they had never, ever expressed this. They were always calm and laid back. Prior to this, the staff also took my friend for another CT scan late in the afternoon. I felt so bad for my friend as due to the fluid build-up, their stomach was so distended, it had the appearance of a beach ball. I pleaded with the nurse several times to have someone drain the fluid in my friends’ abdominal area. The Nurse indicated they needed to wait for Doctor’s orders and there was only one Doctor on. Staff told my friend they couldn’t eat or drink anything just in case they were able to perform the procedure that evening. My friend wasn’t hungry but was thirsty and parched. We waited to hear about the procedure. My friend was so parched (as now several hours had passed) and said they were just going to go ahead and drink something. I didn’t want the chances of getting the procedure that evening to be thwarted so I questioned the nurse as to what could we do to help my friend. The Nurse recommended these small sponges that could be soaked in water and my friend could rub their lips and inside their mouth with it. So that is what we did. Along with being parched and hot, my friend was in pain. It was taking awhile to get the pain med as it needed to be dispensed. My friend stated they wanted the medication to hurry. I wanted to cry out on their behalf. They not ever once complained about being in pain, so I knew they had to be in extreme pain. I asked the nurse how quickly the medication would take affect once administered and they responded it would be fast. I was thankful for that. Later, another staff member came in to poke my friend in their wrist area.

During the evening I contacted a good friend to provide an update to which they told me they would come to the Hospital. This friend arrived mid to late evening. My ill friend told us they were really hot. When I told the nurse, it was explained my friend wasn’t hot to the touch. We had requested cold compresses and to my shock, they didn’t have any so me and my other friend made trips back and forth from the Kitchen to my friends’ room with face cloths that we had run under cold water to place on my friends’ back and neck which seemed to help. Because of all the trips we were making, we did not remove and replace our gowns and gloves upon leaving and re-entering the room.

Later that evening, I remember my visiting friend asking my ill friend, how about we leave to allow them to get some rest and we’d return tomorrow. I wanted to be there for the procedure for when they would release the fluid from my friends’ abdominal cavity. I remember giving my ill friend the ‘call help’ button and told them to push it if they needed assistance as the Doctor was finally there and a new nurse was on duty. I also told my friend I would come back in the middle of the night if they needed me to. Not once during the whole time I was there did anyone say what was going on and how dire the situation was. If they had, I would never have left. My friend did not have Family here. I was the closest to Family they had and I should have been kept apprised. I felt there was a complete lack of transparency.

I arrived home half hour prior to midnight and shortly thereafter, the Doctor on duty called me to say my friend passed away. From what the Doctor told me, my friend had used the call button and when the Doctor and nurse got there my friend had thrown up, then passed. I couldn’t believe it. I remember wondering how could that be, when I was just there. I contacted my friend who had been with me at the Hospital, they came to pick me up and we went back to the Hospital to say our good-byes. I was numb, in shock, disbelief, anger. I felt guilt as well for not staying with my friend. They passed away alone. My friend suffered throughout this whole ordeal. In my opinion, this is not the way anyone should pass. My friend should have been moved somewhere more comfortable and tended to in a manner where they could pass with dignity and without being in pain and discomfort.

My friend’s Oncologist called me the day after they passed away and wondered what happened? I felt like asking them to tell me. The Oncologist apparently had been monitoring my friend, up until the weekend (my friend passed away Sunday evening). Well, illness doesn’t take a break because it’s the weekend.

In my humble perspective as a lay person, cessation from Chemotherapy infusion combined with the fluid not being drained from my friend’s abdominal cavity may have contributed to their death.